Tales From The Loony Bin

Dr. Smith recently got his doctorate in psychology and his first assignment was to visit the community loony bin retirement home for the patient's monthly mental examination.

He sees his first patient and asks him, "Ralph, how much is six times six?" Ralph responds "74." He asks the next resident, "Tim, how much is six times six?" Tom responds, "Thursday." Expecting more of the same, he approaches Randy and asks him, "Randy, how much is six times?" "THIRTY-SIX" replies Randy. "That's right Randy, well done! Now tell me how did you know that answer?" "Oh it was easy... I just subtracted 74 from Thursday!"

Busy playing with each other

My hubby and our daughter is busy playing and singing with each other. I told him that it's past her bed time already and she needs to go to bed. So he went to grab her pajama and get her milk. I'm talking to my mom on the phone and I can't chat with them online because their computer didn't work for some reason.

Sunday quotes of the day

Every ceiling, when reached, becomes a floor, upon which one walks as a matter of course and prescriptive right.
Aldous Huxley

If you don't know where you are going,
you'll end up someplace else.
Yogi Berra

We can always redeem the man who aspires and strives.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Can't find it

Were watching a movie tonight. It's an old movie by Clint Eastwood, I don't really like it so I told my hubby to change the channel. He really can't find a good movie to watch tonight. So we decided to play tennis on the wii but I'm getting tired and sleepy to go to bed.

A Smart Business Plan

A new shift manager was being shown around the Latex factor where he was just hired. The plant manufactures various latex products, and has a reputation for using cutting edge technology in their manufacturing process.

On one side of the building, the factory makes baby bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud "hiss-pop" noise, and the shift manager asks his tour guide what it's doing. "As the rubber is being injected into the mold, it makes a hiss noise." he says "The popping sound is from needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple."

On the other side of the building, the two men look at the condom making machine. This machine makes a "hiss.. hiss... hiss-pop" sound during the manufacturing process. "Wait a second," the future shift manager says, "I know what the hiss, hiss is... but what's with the 'pop' noise every once in a while?"

"Oh, that hehe. It's the same as the baby bottle nipple process." says the guide... "It pokes a hole in every third condom."

"But that can't be good for the condoms!" the observant shift manager replied.

"Nah, but it's really good for the baby bottle nipple business!"

Chatting with my friend

I'm chatting with my friends online. She's new to blogging world and asking some help about it. Since I'm not busy and our daughter is busy watching Barney. I have all the time to teach her with all my knowledge.

Kids Jokes

We really should do more of these, while some of our jokes are meant for a more "adult" crowd (still safe for work and not vulgar or anything) - we'd like to post some jokes catered more towards are younger readers. Specifically, short and simple jokes that kids can remember and tell their friends for a quick laugh.

What is the biggest ant in the world? An elephant!

Why did the kid study in an airplane? He wanted a higher education!

Why is Alabama the smartest state in the USA? Because it has 4 A's and one B! (PS - kids... Alabama really isn't a smart state!)

Why do birds fly south in the winter? Because it's too far to walk!

What runs but never walks? Water!

What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's wife drive? A Minnie van!

How did Noah see the animals on the Ark at night? With flood lights!

Feel free to add your own kids jokes in the comments. Try to make them suitable for your own 7 year old child, and something you wouldn't be upset at them repeated (no gross Johnny jokes for example).

Quotes of the day

The great and glorious masterpiece of
man is to know how to live to purpose.
Michel de Montaigne

Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp,
or what's a heaven for?
Robert Browning

The significance of a man is not in what he attains but in what he longs to attain.
Kahlil Gibran

Top 10 Sarcastic Dares

Sarcastically speaking, I dare you to do some of the things found on my top ten list.

10. Pull into a gas station and use the window washer to wash your entire car.

9. Ask a bank teller to break a $100 bill for you. Then when asked how you want it done say, "in hundreds".

8. Call a political candidate's campaign office and ask them for a donation to your non-candidacAy.

7. Ask a security guard how it feels knowing that in all the action movies the security guards are always the first to die.

6. When you get credit card offers in the mail, stuff the prepaid envelopes with toilet paper and mail them back. (whether you use new or used toilet paper is totally up to you.)

5. Call your bank and ask them to add your checking account onto the $700 billion government bail out plan.

4. Find someone who is big into worrying about the threat of global warming, remind them of their own carbon dioxide and body heat contribution to the planet, and ask them to stop it.

3. Ask a judge if you can get away with murder as long as you can convince a jury of your peers ahead of time that it is justified.

2. Send a bill to every TV station, radio station, cell phone company, and satellite company, charging them an "access fee" for the waves they broadcast through your property. If they refuse payment, charge them with trespassing.

And the #1 Sarcastic Dare...

1. Circulate a petition to put "intelligent human beings" on the endangered species list.

Need to clean the house

It's been a week since the last time I clean the house. So today I'm planning to do dusting and vacuum all the carpet. Our daughter is busy watching her favorite mickey mouse on the TV. I guess I need to start now before it's too late.