Futurama - My Favorite Sitcom on TV

Futurama - My Favorite Sitcom on TV

Guest post written by my buddy Lavern Small

There is no show on the air tantamount to the awesomeness that is Futurama. While animated comedy shows blister the airwaves will lame pop culture references, topical nonsense and trite political gags, Futurama manages to somehow do all these things without succumbing to the platitudes they engender. With writers who are keen on scientific principles, Futurama is not only high on comedy, it is high on the learning as well. This season Futuarama managed to create new mathematical theorems, explore exciting scientific postulates such as the end of the male chromosome, and kill Hitler, not to mention thoroughly entertain the masses in the span of a single half hour.

The best part about Futurama is the wide swath of characters and the expansive canvas it has to work with. Unlike other animated series which are limited to a single town and the occasional inexplicable celebrity visit, the hijinx are anchored to the realities of that world. Futurama on the other hand has no such limits, as chicken lawyers and alien hypnotoads and Mexican robots and tentacled mutants all vie to contort the universe into unpredictably weird and predictably hilarious scenarios.

Thankfully, you can watch Futurama in high definition with satellite tv when not using your direct tv nfl sunday ticket. While this season has come to an spectacular conclusion, Comedy Central has already signed up for another, the adventures of which should be nothing short of trans-credible.

Cruel Bet

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding one day when suddenly, Steve falls off and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jeff realize that one of them is going to have to tell Steve's wife. Bob says he's good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job.

After two hours he returns, carrying a six-pack of beer. "So did you tell her?" asks Jeff.

"Yep", replied Bob.

"Say, where did you get the six-pack?"

Bob informs Jeff. "She gave it to me!"

"What?" exclaims Jeff, "you just told her her husband died and she gave you a six-pack?"

"Sure," Bob says.

"Why?" asks Jeff.

"Well," Bob continues, "when she answered the door, I asked her, 'are you Steve's widow?'" "'Widow?'" she said, "'no, no, you're mistaken, I'm not a widow!' " So I said: "I'll bet you a six-pack you ARE!'"

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Golfing Preacher

There was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance that he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away.

On one particular Sunday it turned out to be a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was shining, the temperature was just right and there was very little wind. The preacher was in a quandary and wasn't sure what to do....play golf or give the Sunday service. The urge to play golf overcame him and he called in his assistant to take care of the Sunday service for him. The preacher packed up his car and drove 3 hours to a course where no one would recognize him.

An angel above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. The angel went to God and said, "look at the preacher. He should punished for what he is doing." God nodded in agreement.

All alone but enjoying it immensely, the preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball and hit a perfect drive. The ball ripped through the still air straight as an arrow and 400 yards later it landed the green where it gently rolled into the cup. A tremendous hole in one!

The preacher was amazed and excited. The angel was in shock. The angel turned to God and said, "Begging your pardon, but I thought that you were going to punish him?"

God smiled and said, "I did....think about it....who can he tell about this?"

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The Generous Lawyer

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

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Animals go to Heaven

A cat and a mouse died on the same day and went up to Heaven. At the top they met God and he asked them 'How do you like it so far?'

The mouse replied 'It's great, but can I get a pair of roller skates?' God said 'Sure', and he gave him a pair of roller skates.

The next day God saw the cat and asked him 'How do you like it up here so far?' and the cat replied 'Great, I didn't know you had meals on wheels up here!'

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History of a property

One of the best examples of how ridiculous government paperwork can be is illustrated by a recent case in Louisiana. A company president was trying to buy some land in Louisiana for a plant expansion, and he wanted to finance this new facility with a government loan.

His lawyer filled out all the necessary forms, including the abstract---tracing the title to the land back to 1803. The government reviewed his application and abstract and sent the following reply:

'We received today your letter enclosing application for your client supported by abstract of title. We have observed, however, that you have not traced the title previous to 1803, and before final approval, it will be necessary that the title be traced previous to that year. Yours truly.'

As a result, the lawyer sent the following letter to the government:

'Gentlemen, your letter regarding title received. I note you wish title to be claimed back further than I have done it.

'I was unaware that any educated man failed to know that Louisiana was purchased by the United States from France in 1803. The title of the land was acquired by France by right of conquest of Spain. The land came into possession of Spain in 1492 by right of discovery by a Spanish-Portugese sailor named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by Queen Isabella.

'The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about title, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope of Rome upon Columbus' voyage before she sold her jewels to help him.

'Now the Pope, as you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, who is the Son of God. And God made the world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to assume that He also made that part of the United States called Louisiana, and I now hope you're satisfied.'

Two Spoons

At a restaurant, one of the customers noticed that all of the waiters had two spoons in their vest pocket. Upon being asked, the waiter said, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware are spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement."

Then the customer noticed that a string was hanging out of all the waiters' flies and asked what the string was for. "The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explained the waiter, "that way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims right away. Then we don't have to stop to wash our hands."

The customer asked, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?" The waiter whispered confidentially, "I don't know about the others, but I use the two spoons."

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Breakfast Order

A resident in a seaside hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning.

"I want two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked it's runny, and the other so over cooked, it's tough and hard to eat. Also, grilled bacon that has been left on the plate to get cold; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze, so that it's impossible to spread; and a pot of very weak coffee, lukewarm."

"That's a complicated order, sir," said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult."

The guest replied, "Oh, but that's what you gave me yesterday!"

Home Depot coupons at Savings

Many things we did were both inside the house and outside in the front and back yards. My hubby went to a website called savings.com to get Home Depot coupons at Savings.com. He said why go anywhere else when they always have what he needs and they have great prices all the time. Every week my hubby always checks their ads to see what items they have on sale to see if there is anything that he is considering buying soon. I don’t know why anyone would go anywhere else for hardware or garden supplies. We often find something in the ads that we were close to buying, then we end up buying it sooner at a great price. He was just there today getting help matching paint to do some touch up on his Dad’s house. They also needed some topsoil, fertilizer and wood chips for the garden. He saves good money by looking for the sales and using the coupons. I have always had good luck finding what I need and getting help when I need it when I shop at Home Depot. Check out this website to see what current deals they have going to see what you might be considering buying soon.

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Gold in Heaven

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

An angel heard his plea and appeared to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."

The man begged the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continued to pray that his wealth could follow him.

The angel reappeared and informed the man that God had decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathered his largest suitcase and filled it with pure gold bars and placed it beside his bed.

Soon afterward, he died and showed up at the gates of heaven to greet St. Peter.

St. Peter, seeing the suitcase, said, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"

The man explained to St. Peter that he had permission and asked him to verify his story with the Lord.

Sure enough, St. Peter checked it out, came back and said, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."

St. Peter opened the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaimed, "You brought pavement?"