Thanksgiving Chicken

Thanksgiving Chicken

Written by my friend Anita Glenn

With Thanksgiving around the corner, I am reminded of our version of the traditional family feast. Unlike most families, we don't usually invite our relatives over for dinner because of how far apart we all live and the hassles that come with traveling on the week of Thanksgiving. So it's usually just myself, my brother and my parents. Since my parents moved down to Los Angeles 6 years ago, we've always had dinner down there.

Another thing we do differently is that we don't get a Turkey for Thanksgiving. Technically, we used to get one when I was little. Somewhere along the way my mom found it to be too much trouble and started getting one of those precooked rotisserie chickens instead. Nowadays my mom focuses on making her homemade stuffing and gravy while I help by making the mashed potatoes. My dad usually helps out by making the cranberries and steaming up the corn. My brother is the only one who doesn't do anything cooking wise as he is adverse to doing anything outside of playing video games.

Cooking the meal always takes longer than we plan because we end up chatting for the most part. Thing is no one talks when we actually sit down to eat. Instead, we always end up watching all the football games on satellite TV from DirectStarTV.com while we eat.

Sneezing

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman can't believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating.

A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman is about to go nuts. She can't believe that such a rude person exists. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes yet again. He takes his wang out and wipes the tip off. The woman has finally had enough. She turns to the man and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've removed your penis from your pants to wipe it off! What the hell kind of degenerate are you?"

The man replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, ma'am. I have a very rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The woman then says, "Oh, how strange. What are you taking for it?"

The man looks at her and says, "Pepper."

Purses

My mom loves collecting purses. Every time we go out shopping she always buy a purse. Since Christmas is around the corner, I was planning of giving her a new purse. While I was surfing on the internet, I found this great website called zappos. This website has a wide selection of purses to choose from. They offer top quality brand such as Fossil, Dooney & Bourke, Lucky Brand and a lot more.

I can’t wait to shop purses at this website. They offer very competitive prices for great quality products. Their purse styles selection includes shoulder purses, tote bags, satchels, clutches and many more. So, check this out and see if you like it as much as I do.

Exposed

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.

"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."

"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."

In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"

"Put them on the chair, on top of mine."

Many ways to help lose weight

I have been trying to lose weight my way for a while with not very good results. So, I took my friend’s advice and visited a great place on the internet. She said this is where she can buy phentermine and learn about other helpful ways to lose weight. This website has very good information about eating disorders, dieting and cooking. Phentermine is used as an appetite suppressant and works best as part of an overall weight reduction program that also includes dieting, exercise, and counseling. Phentermine is used together with diet, exercise and behavioral modification to treat obesity in people with risk factors such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or diabetes. I found out how easy it is to buy phentermine after I visited this website. My friend looks so good after losing weight over the last couple of months that it seemed like a good idea to follow her advice to buy phentermine and other solutions to her weight problem. phentermine is found in chocolate and is responsible for its effects on mood, appetite, and sense of well-being. It is also believed to cause the release of dopamine in the pleasure sensing areas of the brain.

Honey Pie

After a nice dinner the two couples got up from the table. The ladies went into the kitchen and the men went into the family room.
One of the gents said to the other, "I think it is so wonderful how you call your wife, "honey pie" and "sweet pea", and "sugar" all the time. The other gent said, "Well to tell you the truth, four years ago, I forget her name."

Feel and look better

I have a friend that moved to Dallas recently and is considering having plastic surgery. One of her new neighbors suggested she visit a website called ai4ps.com. This is where she found helpful information about specific procedures, such as ggynecomastia plano, she has been thinking about for a while. After getting some her of questions and concerns addressed by what she read on this website, she feels more comfortable about meeting with them to get more details. Even though she looks good for her age, she has some areas on her face and body that she wants to have improved upon.

Investment

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"The guy was your doctor."

Pies for Thanksgiving

Guest post written by Pheobe Carlson

When it comes to dessert for Thanksgiving, our family strictly goes with pies. It's just very Thanksgiving and feels natural to us. But lately, I've decided to get a little crazy with the flavors that I cook for the fun of it. I bake one about every week at home, so I told my sisters that I would bring all the pies for dessert if they handled the rest of the food.

As I was looking up some new ideas for different kinds of pie flavors, I came across the site www.clear-internet.com/local-coverage/ and thought that it might be better for me than the service that I've been using for the past couple of years. So I changed over our service to it at the house.

A few weeks ago I made this really delicious chocolate lemon pie that was just to die for. I had never fixed it before and have been looking for an excuse to fix another one so IÕm going to take one for Thanksgiving, along with the classic apple and pumpkin pies.

Exposed

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.

"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."

"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."

In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"

"Put them on the chair, on top of mine."

Experienced Texas Family Attorney

I have a friend that lives in central Texas, just outside of Austin, and she is separated from her husband. She said they don’t seem to have much of a chance of making their marriage working, so she needs to find a reliable, dedicated and experienced family attorney. My hubby went to college in Austin and suggested she visit a website called evansfamilylawgroup.com. This is where she can learn more about this well-known Family Law Attorney Austin TX to get the guidance and assistance she needs. They specialize in the areas of divorce, child support, mediation, Grandparents Rights and other services provided by their family law firm. Anyone needing these types of services should visit this website before they contact another law firm.

Where is Harry?

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a hugh buck.

"Where's Harry?", asked another hunter.

"He fainted a couple miles up the trail,"

Harry's partner answered. "You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?"

"It was a tough decision," said the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Harry."

Jump start your career

There is a high demand for people with technical education, training and skills in today’s job market. My brother is well aware of this and told me about a website called intenseschool.com that was very helpful for him. He read how the program works and the specific skills he will learn and be able to use in his new career.

This website lists many places he can choose to attend for his schooling. These places include Chicago CCNA, San Diego CCNA, Viginia Cisco Course and the Virginia MCITP that he is considering. He is really excited about this education that will give him great career opportunities in the future.

What trade show vendors need

My hubby has a friend, Bill, that is preparing for a big national trade show scheduled for next month. The supplier for his trade show materials went out of business and he needed another source. My hubby told Bill about this great place he found online that he uses to get materials he needs like trade show flooring and logo mats for his booth.

They also offer trade show carpet and a logo canopy that looks great at any show. Anyone that is a vendor at a trade show should check out this website before their next scheduled event. So, check this out and see their great selection to choose from.

Insuring a Wooden Leg

A man and his wife, moved back home to North Carolina, from Texas. The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Texas Was $2000.00 a year!

When they arrived in North Carolina, they went to an insurance Agency, to see how much it would cost to insure the leg.

The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '$39.00.'

The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here In North Carolina to insure, because it cost him $2000.00 in Texas!

The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says: *Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00.

Upgrade to stainless steel

My hubby has been complaining for a long time about our old kitchen sink that doesn’t look good and is only a builder grade model. We really want to upgrade our old sink to a more attractive and durable stainless steel sink like we see in high-end homes. We found a website called shopsinksandfaucets.com that has a great selection of stainless steel sinks at very low prices. This is made it easy to find the exact size and style without having to run all over town. So, check this out and see their great selection to choose from.

A Few Drinks

A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink.

Walking up behind her he says: "Hi there, good lookin'. How's it going?"

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door,back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on,dirty, clean... It just doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just flat-ass love it."

Eyes now wide with interest, he responds: "No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?"

Family Weekend

Family Weekend

The Author of this post is Tony Cote

This weekend, my husband and I are packing up the kids to take them to the county fair. With the autumn season just under way, it should be a beautiful trip through all of the leaves, and the weather is looking to be a wonderful day. The temperatures have been in the 60s lately, and there hasn't been much rain or any snow yet.

The kids are most excited to go to the pumpkin patch at the fair, and to pick out some great pumpkins to carve this year. They've already been planning out their designs all month long! They're also looking forward to riding the carousel and ferris wheel, and getting cotton candy. There will also be live performances and plays at the fair, which my husband is really looking forward to seeing. I'm hoping to enjoy some of the samples from the barbecue contest, and maybe even entering some of my own sauce recipes as well!

The only downside to the trip is that it takes about three hours to get there. The drive will be a lot of fun on the way there, but when the kids are tired on the way back, it feels like a much longer trip. When we get home, we'll eat dinner and watch some DirecTV channels, and talk about our favorite parts of the county fair.

Music teaching experts

My sister lives in Atlanta and told me her daughter is very interested in music. She wants to give her piano lessons at home where her daughter would feel most comfortable. So, she did some searching on the internet and found a website called adeoschool.com. This is the Adeo School's Home Page that informed her about this company based in Atlanta, Georgia that offers music lessons for piano and other instruments such as guitar, drums violin and voice. I was impressed that they record their In-Home or In-Studio lessons for the student to listen to afterward. The Adeo School's Teachers are dedicated to maximize the music potential in each of their pupils. Anyone interested in learning more about Adeo School: How it Works, should visit this website like my friend did.

Just Water

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

Roulette strategy that works

I did some searching on the internet and found a very informational and helpful about roulette strategy that works at this website called casinobonus2.com. For people like us that were looking to play roulette games online, should visit this website to find some great places to play and their strategy. So, check this out and see how they can help you.

It's All Free

An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It`s free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven."

Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "what are the green fees?". Peter`s reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."

Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don`t you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That`s the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault! If it weren`t for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"

Great place to play

We had no idea where or how to find an online slot machine that had what we were looking for.  Like most other people, we wanted to know what credentials the winning at slot machines could provide and other details in the history and background of the company running the website. While I was surfing on the internet, I found this great website called casinobonus2.com. I found some great information about winning at slot machines and I can’t wait to tell my hubby about what this website has to offer.

The Engineer

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. By mistake, St.Peter directs him to go below. So, the engineer reports to the gates of Hell, and checks in. After a few days, the engineer becomes very dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell, and decides to do something about it. He designs and builds many improvements, and pretty soon they have air conditioning, flushing toilets, and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day, God calls Satan, on the telephone, and says, "So how's it going down there in Hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flushing toilets, and escalators, and there's no telling what this new engineer you sent me is going to come up with next!"

God replies, "WHAT? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should have never have gotten down there. Send him up to me at once."

"No way, I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him!"

God says, "Send him back up here, or I'll sue!"

Satan laughs uproariously, and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

Camping With The Kids

Camping With The Kids

Written by Daron Curtis

This year is the first year we decided to take the kids camping with us. It used to be that the kids would go to their grandmother's house for the weekend and my wife and I would spend the weekend together. After all, we always planned our summer camping trip on the weekend of our anniversary. This year was different and we decided the kids deserved in on all the fun. Besides it would be a great learning experience too.

So the kids were super excited and took no time to pack their things, minus all the comforts of home like video games and hairdryers. It was amazing to see the team work they showed by helping eachother out. Once the van was packed and we armed the home security alarm (packages ADT), we were on our way to the local KOA Campground.

We got the tents set up and our things unpacked and sent the kids to go find some dry kindling so we could start the fire. They got right to it and came back with enough wood to last for the first night. After the fire was going we started to prepare dinner. The kids started to get tired out after that, so we made smores and got them tucked into their tent. Even though they said they were tired, you could still see their flashlights shining through the tent through the night.

Fixing The Pearly Gates

3 contractors are in a bar after work enjoying a cold one, when a truck crashes into the bar killing all of them. They are at the pearly gates and Saint Peter say's "This is perfect the gates need repair and I can get three estimates" He asks the first contractor Bubba what it would take to fix the gates. Bubba walks over to the gates, inspects them, measures them and gives Saint peter an estimate of $750.

Saint Peter says thank you and asks the next contractor for an estimate. He walks over to the gates, inspects them, measures them and gives Saint Peter an estimate of $1500, and tells him I won't make a dime off this.

Saint Peter says thank you and asks the next contractor for an estimate. Anthony quickly gives Saint Peter a price of $2750. Saint Peter asks Anthony how he could come up with an estimate of two thousand seven hundred and fifty dollars without even inspecting or measuring the gates.

Anthony replys, It's easy Saint Peter, $1000 for you, $1000 for me, $750 for Bubba.